A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Prov 31:10
My blog normally is a meditation on the Scripture, and I want this one to follow that pattern, although as you read it, it may seem more personal, perhaps even self-serving.
This evening I spoke with a friend that I and many others have been praying for. He left his wife and children for another woman, but in His mercy God has heard our prayers and has prompted this man to repent and return. I am profoundly grateful because this repentant spirit seems to be a rare thing in our day.
Our conversation led to his statement that many of the couples around us are struggling in their marriages. I know that this society is far more promiscuous than my parents’ generation, but he suggested to me that stable marriages seem to be the exception rather than the rule – even within the evangelical church. As I have reflected upon our conversation this evening, I am in awe at the provision that God has made for me in my wife of 31 years.
I came to know Christ while in college, and, while my conversion changed me from an insecure, socially inept kid, I still struggled. I began a lifelong study of Scripture in those days, so I was comfortable in a Christian setting, but not so much socially. In my loneliness, I recall praying that God would provide me with a wife. I was attending at that time a church in which I was the only single person between 16 and 66, but the thought never occurred to me to go to another church where there might be some single Christian women. My purpose was not marriage; it was a deepening walk with Jesus, and He would provide if He chose to, though I wasn’t expecting Him to. Despite my naiveté (or maybe because of it) God brought Mary to me. I recall that we laughed hilariously on our first date to a local play (most of the hilarity was the ineptitude of the local actors rather than the play itself), and we have been able to laugh together ever since.
But the secret to our 31 years was not laughter, although that is important; it has been commitment, personal devotion to Christ and humility. I don’t deserve her and I know it. Though she deserves far better than me, somehow God has made her believe that she doesn’t deserve me. This humility is largely what prompts us to serve each other and set the other first. It gets its fuel because each of us is into the Scripture each day where we both realize that we are indebted to the grace of God both for eternal life and for temporal existence. We are imperfect people and we fail each other more often than we like to admit, but that humility and grace has led us to take seriously the vows we made on our wedding day that we would set the other ahead of ourselves until death. When I think back to how naïve I was on that day, I am amazed! But we made these vows before the God to whom we will give an account, and “divorce” has never been in our vocabulary.
At the risk of sounding too simplistic, the plethora of marital problems in our day is the result, I believe, of the tendency among this generation to ignore the Scripture. We are a generation of Christians that says we believe the Bible, but we don’t read it, we don’t memorize it and we certainly don’t meditate upon it. Everything is quick and external to us in the 21st century Church. Worship is entertainment with hardly any reference to the Scripture; real Bible study is rejected in favor of a light devotional thought or platitude. Our children know virtually nothing of the Scriptures (because their parents don’t), and Sunday School has given way to fun activities. But David wrote, “Thy Word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against Thee” (Ps 119:11).
Thankfully, my repentant friend indicated that for the first time in his married life, he is regularly reading the Scripture. That’s what will keep his marriage together, just as it has my own. Recalling our conversation, I am astounded by God’s grace to provide my wife for me, because I don’t deserve a stable marriage any more than my friend does. I concur with the writer of this Proverb, “She is worth far more than rubies.” And, yes, after we returned home this evening, I told her how grateful I am for her.
